Have you ever felt overwhelmed? Have you ever felt so anxious that it became difficult to control your thoughts? Or so overly stimulated that you felt trapped and powerless?
Dysregulation, a term used to describe when we are not in control, can impact us on both a behavioural and emotional level. Dysregulation can appear in different ways and can feel differently depending on each unique person. A previous article What's Your Body Telling You?, goes into this further. However, some symptoms of dysregulation can include irritability, depression, anger, anxiety, and increased substance use.
But how can we manage high volumes of distress?
Through the use of distress tolerance skills it is possible to alleviate significant amounts of stress and cope effectively in moments of crisis. However, much like anything we engage with, it is important to adopt the proper mindset. In this, before distress tolerance can begin it is important to understand the importance of radical acceptance. At its core, radical acceptance asks us to change our attitude about a situation by inviting us to acknowledge our current circumstances without judgment or self-criticism. Instead, radical acceptance allows us to recognize that our current circumstances are a result of events that started far in the past that we cannot change, which seeks to remove blame, shame, and anger.
Once we have adopted the right mindset, we can begin to use distress tolerance skills to help us cope. The type of distress tolerance skills that is employed is highly dependent on the situation and what each individual person finds to be effective for them. I invite you to read the list of healthy distress tolerance skills below. If you find a skill that you believe will benefit you in times of distress, write it down in a note to act as a gentle reminder that you have something to come back to in times of uncertainty.
While there are various types of distress tolerance skills, here are a few basic skills that can help in times of emotional difficulty or distress:
Use Distraction
Distraction skills allow us to distract our upsetting thoughts until they have reached a state of neutrality. Some distraction skills consist of:
- Write a letter to someone that has hurt you. Do not send the letter but express how you are feeling and how they have hurt you. Rip up the letter when you are done or throw it away.
- Throw rolled up socks against a bare wall.
- Scream into a pillow.
- Hold an ice cube in your hand and squeeze it. This will allow your hand to feel numb and act as a distraction from harmful emotions.
- Cry. Crying releases hormones that help to regulate us.
- Snap a rubber band against your wrist if you have negative thoughts or feel like hurting yourself.
- Distract yourself by leaving. If you’re in a difficult or stressful situation, and know that your emotions are going to overwhelm you, put some distance between you and the situation until you feel ready to return and address the concerns.
- Talk to a friend. This can mean venting to your friend about your experiences, or even listening mindfully to them as a distraction from your own distress.
Be in the Moment
Although it can be very difficult, try your best to focus not on the past or future, but on the present moment using the following methods:
- Imagery - Imagine a relaxing scene or imagine a secret room within yourself, seeing how it is decorated. Go into the room or to the scene whenever you feel threatened. Additionally, try imagining hurtful emotions draining out of you like water.
- Create Meaning - Try your best to focus any positive aspects of the pain that you can think of. If there aren't any positives that you can think of, remind yourself that this feeling will pass with time.
- Relaxation - Try muscle relaxing by tensing and relaxing each large muscle group, starting with your hands and arms, going to the top of your head, and then working down. Additionally, go for a walk, take a warm bath, practice yoga, or engage in other activities that relax your muscles.
- Focus Your Attention - Focus your entire attention on just what you are doing right now. Keep yourself in the very moment you are in; putting your mind in the present. Look for all the green objects in your room or count the number of steps from your room to the living room. This focus will allow your brain to calm itself and stay focused on the present rather than the pain of the past or the uncertainty of the future.
- Vacation - Give yourself a small vacation by going to the park for the afternoon, unplugging your phone for the day, or getting into bed and pulling up the covers.
- Encourage Yourself - Find a mantra to repeat to yourself such as "It won't last forever", "I'm doing the best I can", or "I will be ok".
Practice Self-Soothing
Sometimes when we are feeling high levels of stress it can be extremely helpful to focus on our external environment in order to help us feel more safe and in control. Thus, we can use our five senses in as a way to soothe anxiety, panic, uncertainty, or other distressing feelings.
- Smell - Different scents such as lavender, chamomile, or lemon have been found to help individuals feel calm.
- Safely burn scented candles
- Wear scented oils that make you happy
- Go somewhere that you find the scent to be pleasing
- Sight - Find images that have a soothing effect on you.
- Create a collage of pictures that you like
- Find scenery that you like to look at
- Draw/paint a picture
- Taste - Taste can sometimes trigger us to recall positive memories.
- Eat your favourite meal
- Carry gum with you to chew on in times of distress
- Suck on an ice cube or popsicle if you are feeling warm and let it melt in your mouth
- Touch - Certain sensations like touching soft objects or feeling warm can be pleasing and soothing to us.
- Pet an animal, like a cat or a dog
- Take a warm bath
- Lay on or under a warm and fuzzy blanket
- Hear - Certain sounds can soothe us, making us feel happy or calm.
- Listen to your favourite music
- Open your window and listen to the sounds outside
- Listen to a sound recording of nature like chirping birds or a waterfall
Lastly, if at any time you begin to feel extremely overwhelmed with distress,
depression, or
anxiety, or are having feelings of hurting yourself please consider reaching out to the following crisis resources:
- Ontario Online and Text Crisis Services - Text “SUPPORT” to 258258
- Crisis Text Line - Text 686868
- Ontario Crisis Line – Call 1-866-531-2600
- Distress Centres of Greater Toronto - Call 416-408-4357
- Kids Help Phone - Call 1-800-668-6868
Let us know in the comments which distress tolerance skills you found to be helpful!
Written By: Natalie DeRose, M. Psy. Candidate, B.A. (Hons)
Edited/Reviewed by: Chantal Legere, M. Psy. Candidate, B.A. (Hons)
References
Bray, S. (2013, January 17). Distress Tolerance in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. In Good Therapy . Retrieved from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/distress-tolerance-dialectical-behavior-therapy-0117134
Mckay, M., Wood, J. C., Brantley, J., & Marra, T. (2007). The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical Dbt Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, & Distress Tolerance (pp. 10-29). N.p.: New Harbinger Publications.
Roberts, E. (2017, October 23). How to IMPROVE the Moment – Using DBT Skills to Manage Challenging Situations. Retrieved from
https://www.hartsteinpsychological.com/how-to-improve-the-moment



