Carl Rogers, a humanistic psychologist, believed self-worth (or self-esteem) is how we think about ourselves. He believed our feelings of self-worth are important in developing our psychological health and in achieving goals and ambitions in life so that we may reach our optimum potential. Rogers believed feelings of self-worth develop in early childhood and are formed from the interaction of the child with the mother and father. As a child grows older, interactions with significant others will continue to affect feelings of self-worth.

Self-worth may be seen as a continuum from very high to very low.  According to Rogers (1959) the characteristics of a person with high self-worth are:

• Confidence and positive feelings about themselves
• Faces life challenges
• Accepts failure and unhappiness
• Is open with people
• Is happy
• Makes friends easily
• Enjoys social activities
• Is enthusiastic about new activities
• Likes to be creative
• Has their own ideas
• Talks comfortably with others without much encouragement

The characteristics of person with low self-worth are:

• Avoids challenges in life
• Does not accept that life can be painful
• Is unhappy
• Is defensive and guarded with other people
• Has few friends
• Is easily frustrated or discouraged
• Is unwilling to try new things
• Has trouble following rules or behaving well
• Is withdrawn or depressed

As parents, caregivers, teachers, and health professionals it essential to help boost children’s self-worth to encourage their optimal development.

Here are some tips to nurture your child’s self-esteem/self-worth:

Unconditional Love and Positive Regard

The most important thing is to show your child lots of love and acceptance for who they are. This affection and support shouldn’t be withdrawn if the child does something wrong or makes a mistake. 

Teach Them It’s Okay to Make Mistakes and Learn from Them
Help your child learn from their mistakes. Try to talk about their mistakes, pass on the message it’s okay to commit mistakes, teach them what can be done differently next time, and how they can control their own behavior.

Set Realistic Goals for Your Child
Focus on your child’s interests, abilities, capabilities, help them set goals according to their strengths, and guide them to be willing to do the things they want to do. Understand and respect who they are and their strengths and weaknesses.

Provide Clear Rules and Expectations
Communicate and enforce clear rules and limits that are right for your child’s age and developmental stage. Be clear about what you expect and what the effects will be if the rules are not followed. This makes your child feel safe and secure and they will eventually grow more confident about making their own decisions.

Appreciate Their Efforts and Support Them in Failures
Help your child discover the things they are good at and encourage them to pursue them. Help them understand the importance of efforts and not only accomplishments. Never humiliate or put down your child for not succeeding but, instead, support them.

Be a Role Model
Children learn from what you do rather than what you say or ask them to do. Show them how you deal with problems, how you react to them appropriately. Show your child the rewards of patience, hard work, and doing the best you can.

Provide Your Child with Responsibilities and Trust Them
Assign family chores or ask for help preparing dinner, arranging things at home, buying things for the home and trust your child’s choices and decisions. This teaches your child independence and resilience.

Provide Them with a Loving Family Environment
A safe and loving home environment makes your child feel relaxed, assured, and happy. It helps them understand the importance of family and values. Avoid fighting or arguing with your partner or family member in front of your child.

Set Boundaries and Respect Their Privacy
Setting physical and emotional boundaries is essential in relationships. Respect your child’s needs and privacy.

Show Interest in Your Child's Social Life

Know your child’s friends, social relationships, and interactions and help them deal with toxic relationships.

It is essential to understand that most people can achieve their goals, wishes, and desires in life if they acknowledge their self-worth and if they are provided with a conducive environment for its development. If you think something is hindering your child’s self-worth, talk to your mental health professional to see how they can help!

Written By: Simerpreet Ahuja, Clinical Therapist
Edited/Reviewed By: Dr. Stacy Lekkos, C. Psych.

References

Rogers, C. (1959). A theory of therapy, personality and interpersonal relationships as developed in the client-centered framework. In (ed.) S. Koch, Psychology: A study of a science. Vol. 3: Formulations of the person and the social context. New York: McGraw Hill.