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Physical Distancing Mental Health Tips for LGBTQ+ People
Camille Labelle • May 25, 2020

LGBTQ+ identified people face particular challenges to their mental health, experiencing minority stress and sometimes hostile home environments. Community and safer spaces provide a buffer against those stressors, so it can be especially tough when we’re all physical  distancing for our safety. If you’re stuck at home with family or roommates who aren’t supportive, or if you’re just feeling isolated and alone, here are some tips that can help make it easier:


Create your safe space

Even if it’s just your bed, find a place in your house that’s just for you and make it your safe space. Put up images that make you happy, pictures if you have them, or a rainbow flag. Put up a quote that resonates with you, like the one below. If you aren’t out to everyone in your house, find an object or image that resonates but doesn’t out you in case they come into your room, or put a significant article of clothing under your pillow or in a box out of sight but still accessible to you. This is your special space where you can recharge, escape if you’re triggered or need some comfort.


“Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.” -Bell Hooks


Establish boundaries with others in your house, especially if they’re unsupportive or hostile

Have a few activities that you can do if you need to get away from others, such as going for a walk (if it’s safe for you; avoid walks if you’re self-isolating and check local health recommendations), taking a bath/shower, meditating, going to your safe space, and use these when you need to. Know what sort of behaviour is triggering and plan for how to respond to it. For example, if your parent forgets to use your pronouns, have a script for what you’ll say, like, “I know this is a stressful time for us all, dad, but I would still appreciate it if you remembered to use my pronouns.” If you know your sibling tends to make homophobic comments and you’re not comfortable confronting them, plan an escape route for when it happens, “I’m going to go for a walk and get some fresh air” or “I’m going to take a shower.” 


Sometimes there might be particularly stressful events that happen regularly where you can’t leave, like a family dinner or zoom call. If you know that these events are going to be draining, plan a debriefing exercise right afterward. This could be a call with a good friend where you can vent, a long shower where you can get some space and think, a worry journal where you can put down your frustrations, or a plan to watch your favourite show and decompress. It can help to have something to look forward to. Pay attention to how each activity makes you feel and do more of what works for you.


Plan for difficult conversations

If you need to have a conversation with people in your household that might be difficult, like coming out or establishing boundaries, create a script for what you’d like to say and think about different possible scenarios. You know your family and your situation best. Think about the best time for a conversation and who would be best to approach first. Go over your script with someone you trust. 


When establishing boundaries, remember that people can react negatively and be defensive. Be direct and clear, and stick to the topic. “Mom, I know you’re worried about me, but I need you to knock before you come into my room. My privacy is important.” It might be easier to start with something small and build up as you develop confidence in setting boundaries.


Remember that choosing to come out is up to you and everyone has a different timeline. If you’re thinking about it but you’re not sure if now is the best time, you can “test the waters” by talking to the people you’d like to come out to about other LGBTQ+ celebrities and issues to see how they react. Have some resources ready that might be helpful for them, like PFLAG Canada, Egale’s Supporting your Gender Diverse ChildCDC’s Guide for Parents of Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Teens or the Human Rights Campaign’s list of Faith Resources.


Have a debriefing exercise ready for after your conversation. Make it a check-in with a trusted person, or an activity that helps you feel calm like journaling, watching a favourite show, stretching, or drawing. 


Have a regular call with a trusted friend

Make a list of everyone who’s affirming and supportive, and create regular times to check in. If there’s a particular time of day that’s difficult, like after stressful family dinners or in the evenings if you feel lonely, that might be a good time to schedule them. If you or your friend is feeling down, make a point to find one positive thing to share or celebrate. If you can’t find anything, do something relaxing together, like watching a favourite show or listening to a podcast or new music together. 


If you don’t have someone to check in with, check in with yourself. Keep a journal with updates on how you’re feeling, what’s stressful and what’s making you feel good. Or find other ways to check in. Trans individuals can sign up for a daily affirmative message from the Validation Station. Buddies in Bad Times has a regular instagram live show on at 5pm ET every weekday. Make it a routine to check in, whether it’s a good day or a bad day.


Find online spaces to connect with others

Community is so important for our mental health, and luckily, there are lots of ways to stay connected while physically distancing. If social media is triggering, stop using it or create a new account where you only follow positive feeds that are affirming and make you feel good. Find the celebration and support, like the It Gets Better’s Moments of Joy.


Look for online spaces to connect directly with others. Glad Day launched Glad Day TV with online programming (and has an emergency survival fund for LGBTQ2S artists, performers and tip-based workers!). Gender Spectrum has online groups for pre-teens, teens and parents and an online LoungeQueer Asian Youth has zoom events posted on their Facebook and Instagram. Pieces to Pathways provides support for harm reduction and substance use groups on zoom. 


Chatline and crisis lines

Everyone needs support now and again. Save crisis lines and chatlines in your phone so they’re easily accessible when you need them. 


For LGBTQ+ youth (under 29) in Ontario, the LGBT Youthline offers peer support over text and chat from Sunday through Friday, 4:00 pm – 9:30pm.


For trans and questioning individuals in the US and Canada, the Trans Lifeline offers peer support and takes crisis calls. 


For LGBTQ+ people under 25, The Trevor Project provides crisis support and suicide prevention though its phone, text and chat service. (They also have Trevor Space, an online community for LGBTQ young people from 13-24.)


If you have the time and capacity, consider volunteering or donating to these organizations. It can be a way to stay connected and support your community. But always prioritize your mental health first and only take on what you can!


Reach out for professional help if you need to and you’re able to

Many mental health practitioners are offering phone and video-conference sessions, and they can sometimes take insurance or a sliding scale fee. When setting up your session, discuss what technology you have access to (phone, computer, webcam, wifi, etc.) and whether you have access to a private space. If you’re concerned about being interrupted, create a safety plan with your therapist or counselor. Ask them if you can end the session abruptly if you’re interrupted. If you’re videoconferencing, you can have a game open in another window and switch to it if you’re interrupted in the middle of a session. 


Physical distancing doesn’t have to stop you from getting the support that you need and connecting with others! Just because we’re physically apart doesn’t mean we’re alone. Take care of yourself and stay safe. Our team is also here to help! Feel free to contact us if you’d like to make an appointment. 


Written by Camille J. Labelle, M.Psy. Student

Reviewed/Edited by Dr. Stacy Lekkos, C.Psych.


Photo by Sharon McCutcheon from Pexels

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By Erik Michalik 20 Nov, 2020
Let’s put something into perspective here: each day consists of 24 hours. Of those, it is recommended that each person sleep approximately eight hours per night. According to these numbers, we spend one third of our entire lives asleep, yet for some reason the majority of us are choosing to ignore the importance of this inevitability. Sleep alone can improve our stress , memory functioning, alertness, mood, immune system, hormone functioning, and weight, to name a few. There are no quick fixes or super pills anyone can take for instant success but sleep is truly one of the closest natural aspects we can improve on in order to benefit almost EVERY aspect of our lives. So what can we do to improve our sleep? Define Your Why A recurring theme when deciding to make changes in our lives is defining our ‘why’. Any meaningful action requires meaning or purpose for it to be achieved. No matter how complex or simple it is, when you have a reason to do something, you are more likely to actually follow through with it. Remember to remind yourself why you want to focus on this area of your life. This will be particularly important when the going gets tough or if you fall victim of your previous routine way of functioning. Remember, meaningful change (in this case, sleep) does not happen overnight. Limit Blue Light Exposure Cutting out screen time before bed is one of the most effective ways to improve sleep quality. However, I’m fairly confident that most of you reading this will end the last moments of your night on a screen, whether it's a phone, computer, iPad, or the television. Throughout human evolution, humans evolved to be awake when the sun was up and to fall asleep when the sun went down. The problem with blue light specifically is that it has shown to stimulate the brain in areas that are active during alert day hours, disorienting the body’s natural preparation for sleep. Furthermore, blue light suppresses melatonin production (the hormone that makes you sleepy) and elevates cortisol (the hormone associated with stress ). Mariana Figueiro, PhD., found that two hours of screen time before bed displayed a suppression in melatonin levels in the brain (Figeuiro et. al., 2011). In fact, even when our eyes are closed, we have photo-receptors all over our skin that absorb light just as our retinas in our eyes would. Thus, having screens on anywhere around our sleeping areas is problematic. Tips to manage blue light exposure: Setting a screen time curfew Wearing blue light protective glasses Turn on blue light blockers on devices, i.e. phones and computers (f.lux and Nightshift are recommended for iOS users and Twilight for android users) Instead of watching TV, movies, or YouTube before bed, listen to a podcast or audiobook with the screen off or on sleep mode. Ensure your room is completely pitch black at night, with no lights on, curtains closed, and any technology still on should be covered. For those of you who sleep with a light on, it’s recommended to buy a red light for your bedroom. Not only do these look cool but red light on the visible light spectrum has been shown to have little to no effect on both melatonin and cortisol levels. This is hypothesized to be due to the fact that humans have evolved sleeping by fire throughout human history (Stevenson, 2016). Caffeine Consumption Before getting into what you can do to manage your caffeine consumption, let’s take a simplistic look at what caffeine actually does to the brain that impacts our sleep. During normal functioning hours, the brain slowly accumulates a chemical called adenosine that binds to receptors to slow down brain activity and make you feel tired. The longer you are awake, the more tired you feel. Where caffeine comes into play is that it is shaped very similarly to adenosine and it binds to brain receptors. When these receptors are blocked by caffeine instead of adenosine, this tricks the brain into thinking it's not tired. Caffeine has a half-life of about 6-8 hours. A standard cup of coffee has roughly 150g of caffeine in it. What this means is that after about 6-8 hours there is still about 75g of caffeine in your system. Therefore, the timing of your caffeine consumption is just as important as the quantity. With this being said, the best strategy involves setting a caffeine curfew in order to reduce the amount of caffeine in your system by bedtime. It is recommended to cut out all sources of caffeine approximately 8 hours before bed. This includes coffee, caffeinated teas, espresso, or any other source of caffeine. Change Your Mindset in Regards to Sleep Although the other two points mentioned will probably apply to most readers, this one was the most influential point towards improving my sleep. I associated sleep with a negative outlook, specifically with loss of time. I knew through research and extensive thought that if I was going to improve my quality of sleep I was going to have to change my mindset. That isn’t the easiest task, especially when you spend years of your life thinking you dislike something. Some things that I did that helped me with this was reinforcing my why . The more I thought about why I was addressing my sleep, the easier it became to desire wanting sleep. Once I slowly worked towards this, I found that my anxiety associated with loss of time began to reduce and I was able to associate sleep with a positive mindset. Meditate Mindfulness is the act of becoming aware in the present moment, without judgement. The practice of mindfulness through mindful meditation can provide an opportunity to create mental space at bedtime and to help you feel more relaxed. Mindfulness can also help you to cope with negative thoughts surrounding sleep and to help you shift your focus to your body and to be present. This technique is easily accessible by downloading free apps or using beginner guided sleep meditation videos on YouTube. Other Minor Tips to Improve Your Sleep Journaling is an excellent release before bedtime, especially if you are an over thinker. Letting out the thoughts on paper and getting them out of your head will allow you to focus more on sleep and less on what’s on your mind. Invest in a good mattress. As mentioned earlier, we are going to spend about one third of our lives sleeping so why not ensure that we get the best sleep possible? If you are not in an ideal financial situation at the moment, perhaps investing in a proper mattress isn’t realistic. For you, I suggest buying a memory foam topper or just a mattress topper. This is an inexpensive way to improve sleep quality. Sleep and wake at consistent hours. Our super complex yet lazy brain loves to work off of routines so do your brain a favour and go to bed and wake up around the same time. This will make the process easier on yourself and will make you less likely to give up from frustrations of not being able to accomplish what you set out to. Do not, and I repeat do not, do any work or eating or anything in your bed besides sleep. The brain works off of associations so don’t confuse your brain into thinking your mattress is an office, movie theater, or a kitchen table. This is just the beginning when it comes to ways to improve your sleep, as solutions often depend on one’s specific sleep challenges. However, trying any of these tips can be beneficial as improving our sleep is crucial to improving our physical and psychological well-being. Best of luck on your sleep journey and sweet dreams. Written By: Erik Michalik, M. Psy Candidate, BASc, Edited/Reviewed by : Chantal Legere, M. Psy References Figueiro MG, Wood B, Plitnick B, Rea MS. (2011) The impact of light from computer monitors on melatonin levels in college students. Neuro Endocrinol Lett .; 32(2):158-63. PMID: 21552190. Stevenson, S. (2016). Sleep smarter: 21 essential strategies to sleep your way to a better body, better health, and bigger success . New York, NY: Rodale Books. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
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