Discussing racism is something that many adults find is difficult to do, so how can we talk to our children about it?
Many people do not talk to their children about race for fear of drawing attention to it. However, as any caregiver knows, children understand a lot more than you think. Children notice when others are treated differently from them. When parents avoid talking about race, children learn that the topic is taboo or off limits (Apfelbaum, Pauker, Sommers, & Ambady, 2010). This may also lead children to create their own assumptions about what these differences mean (based on what they see, hear, observe or based on what they are not hearing, seeing, or observing), which can lead to the perpetuation of stereotypes. Discussing racial differences can lead children to appreciate diversity and to recognize discrimination when they see or hear it (Apfelbaum, Pauker, Sommers, & Ambady, 2010). Conversations about racism will look different for each family but the earlier parents start the conversation with their children, the better (Unicef, 2020).
So, how do we facilitate these conversations? Here are a few ways to start:
- Use age appropriate language and know that the conversation will develop over time. Talking about racism is not a one-time chat, but rather an open and ongoing discussion. It’s okay if you don’t cover everything in one conversation; the goal is to build understanding.
- Keep talking about it. Complex subjects require time, attention, and ongoing education.
- Recognize and celebrate differences by using a child's comment as an opportunity to acknowledge that people do look different, but also to point out our shared humanity and how each one of us is unique.
- Learn to respond to children's questions as they come up naturally and encourage them to continue asking questions. Help them to navigate their curiosity by making them feel that their questions are always welcome. If you don't know the answer, let them know that you will learn about it together.
- Talk about fairness with your children. Explain how racism is unfair and how we need to work together to make things better.
- Help children to understand that diversity is beautiful and valuable and teach children to embrace diversity with openness and without judgment. Having honest and open discussions with your children will help to build trust as well.
- Help them to see every situation as an opportunity to learn and better understand the world around them.
- Have discussions in real time about the things (good, bad, happy, sad, ordinary, unique) you see around you. This will help to encourage children to think more critically.
- Discuss media together. Your children may be getting some of their information from social media and other places on the internet. What have they heard about racism and discrimination? Show interest in what they are reading and find opportunities to explore examples of racism and stereotypes in the media and discuss them.
- Ask children how they feel about the things they are seeing, hearing, and experiencing. Help them grow comfortable processing and expressing their emotions. Validate their emotional experience and help them find their voice so that they can learn how to stand up for themselves and others.
- Help children learn how to stand up for people who are being discriminated against. Comments such as, "That's an unkind thing to say" or "I disagree with you and here is why" can help children respond in a healthy way.
- As a parent, do not ignore discriminatory comments when you hear them. Instead, use discriminatory comments as an opportunity to start a conversation. Respond to them and model kind and healthy responses for your children.
- Set a good example by being an advocate. Challenge your own behaviours and assumptions. Children learn the most through modeling the behaviours around them, so self-reflect and acknowledge and correct your own mistakes.
- Expose your children to people from diverse backgrounds and take that opportunity to learn from each other, discover commonalities, and value and appreciate differences. Also explore food, read books, and watch films about other cultures.
Written by: Maya (Mostaghim-Vaezi) Dousti
Edited/Reviewed by: Dr. Stacy Lekkos, C.Psych and Chantal Legere, M.Psy. Candidate, B.A. (Hons)
References
Apfelbaum, E. P., Pauker, K., Sommers, S. R., & Ambady, N. (2010). In blind pursuit of racial equality? Psychological Science, 21(11), 1587-1592. doi: 10.1177/0956797610384741
American Psychological Association (2020). Talking to Kids about Discrimination. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/kids-discrimination
UNICEF. (2020). Talking to your kids about racism. Retrieved from https://www.unicef.org/parenting/talking-to-your-kids-about-racism



