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8 Tips For Nourishing Your Relationship During COVID-19
Chantal Legere • Apr 29, 2020

Many of us have been stuck at home for several weeks now. For a lot of us, physical distancing means being in a confined space with our spouse or partner. While it may have been fun for the first few weeks, it can also be overwhelming to manage amidst all of the other stressors in our lives. Not only is this situation making us feel stuck at home, but it can also make us feel ‘stuck’ in our relationships. Now that we’ve seen that quarantine efforts in China resulted in a spike in divorce applications, it’s incredibly important to focus on what we can do during this time to make our relationships stronger. 



Here are 8 tips to nourish your relationship during this time: 


Accept That It’ll Be Hard 

Let’s face it, this is unchartered territory for all of us. This is not how we’re used to living and definitely not how we’re used to operating within a relationship. We’re all dealing with stress in our own way and it’s likely that arguments will happen. It can be helpful to recognize that you’re both dealing with stress and uncertainty at this time, so it’s likely that your partner isn’t intentionally trying to annoy you or make you upset. Try to be more patient with yourself and your partner. 


Set Ground Rules 

Setting boundaries and letting your partner know what you need during this time is essential. Maybe this is a physical boundary where they don’t interrupt you during work hours or an emotional boundary stating that you won’t talk about the news during dinner. Whatever it is, boundaries are crucial to communicating with one another. Annoyed that there are crumbs all over the counter? Make an agreement with your partner to keep the kitchen clean. We also need to make sure those boundaries apply to time spent together. Let your partner know that they are a priority to you by putting down your phone or laptop when your work is finished. For more information about boundaries, see Dr. Nicole Daniels’ article, “Keeping Healthy Boundaries with Your Family During Quarantine”. 


Plan Time Apart 

None of us are meant to be surrounded by people 24/7. Having time by ourselves helps us to process the things that happen during our day, check-in with how we’re feeling, and focus on solo activities that we enjoy. Try to build alone time into each day whether it’s taking a walk, listening to music, or doing any activity you enjoy. 


Plan In-Home Dates 

Just because we can’t go out, doesn’t mean that the romance has to stop. Create a special time where you tune out the world and tune in to each other. Whether it’s cooking a meal together or going for a romantic walk, take time to focus on your love for each other and the qualities that brought you together in the first place. Embracing a sense of ‘togetherness’ will help your partner feel loved, special, and less alone through this crazy time. 


Communicate! 

We all know that communication is the most foundational piece in every relationship. In times of increased stress and anxiety, direct and clear communication is crucial. Couples should sit down and discuss each person’s needs during this time and what things are helpful for them. Asking what each other wants their routine and schedule to look like will communicate understanding but also allow both parties to set boundaries throughout the day. 


Socialize Outside of Your Relationship 

Talking to others outside of our relationship can help us process experiences, gain perspectives, as well as just feel a sense of community. This also makes it so we’re not dumping all of our stress and worry on our partner all of the time. We all need a break sometime and having support outside of a relationship when things get tough is critical. Even though we’re physically distant from our friends, it’s incredibly important to stay connected with them. 


Check-In with Your Partner 

Check-in with your partner on a regular basis to see how they’re coping with quarantine and give extra attention to their mood. Everyone is unique and will react to these circumstances differently. Remember that no one is perfect and try not to take it personally if your partner’s behaviour has been a little off lately. If you’re concerned that you’ve upset them, ask them calmly and directly, making sure to use “I” statements. (e.g. Hey, I just wanted to check in with you. I think that I may have done something to upset you and wanted to talk to you about it.) 


Check Yourself 

This is a trying time for all of us and it can feel like our mood is all over the place. When you feel like shouting at your partner or criticizing them, take a minute to take a step back. Remind yourself that you are both doing your best amidst the circumstances and try not to take things personally. It’s also really important to focus on the things that make you happy, practice gratitude, and make a point to say thank you to each other. 


What things are you doing right now to nourish your relationship?


Written by: Chantal Legere, M.Psy Candidate, B.A. (Hons)

Reviewed/Edited by: Dr. Stacy Lekkos, C. Psych


References 


Boissiere, E. (2020, March 20). COVID-19 Lock Down: How To Manage Your Relationships In Tight Quarters. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/erikaboissiere/2020/03/19/covid-19-lock-down-how-to-manage-your-relationships-in-tight-quarters/#298e933910b9


Brown, J. (2020, March 24). COVID-19 Doesn’t Have to End in Divorce. Retrieved from https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/relationships/divorce-proof-marriage-coronavirus/


Photo by Git Stephen Gitau from Pexels




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By Erik Michalik 19 Jan, 2021
When an individual expects something to happen, many processes go on in our brains and bodies to meet these expectations.
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By Erik Michalik 20 Nov, 2020
Let’s put something into perspective here: each day consists of 24 hours. Of those, it is recommended that each person sleep approximately eight hours per night. According to these numbers, we spend one third of our entire lives asleep, yet for some reason the majority of us are choosing to ignore the importance of this inevitability. Sleep alone can improve our stress , memory functioning, alertness, mood, immune system, hormone functioning, and weight, to name a few. There are no quick fixes or super pills anyone can take for instant success but sleep is truly one of the closest natural aspects we can improve on in order to benefit almost EVERY aspect of our lives. So what can we do to improve our sleep? Define Your Why A recurring theme when deciding to make changes in our lives is defining our ‘why’. Any meaningful action requires meaning or purpose for it to be achieved. No matter how complex or simple it is, when you have a reason to do something, you are more likely to actually follow through with it. Remember to remind yourself why you want to focus on this area of your life. This will be particularly important when the going gets tough or if you fall victim of your previous routine way of functioning. Remember, meaningful change (in this case, sleep) does not happen overnight. Limit Blue Light Exposure Cutting out screen time before bed is one of the most effective ways to improve sleep quality. However, I’m fairly confident that most of you reading this will end the last moments of your night on a screen, whether it's a phone, computer, iPad, or the television. Throughout human evolution, humans evolved to be awake when the sun was up and to fall asleep when the sun went down. The problem with blue light specifically is that it has shown to stimulate the brain in areas that are active during alert day hours, disorienting the body’s natural preparation for sleep. Furthermore, blue light suppresses melatonin production (the hormone that makes you sleepy) and elevates cortisol (the hormone associated with stress ). Mariana Figueiro, PhD., found that two hours of screen time before bed displayed a suppression in melatonin levels in the brain (Figeuiro et. al., 2011). In fact, even when our eyes are closed, we have photo-receptors all over our skin that absorb light just as our retinas in our eyes would. Thus, having screens on anywhere around our sleeping areas is problematic. Tips to manage blue light exposure: Setting a screen time curfew Wearing blue light protective glasses Turn on blue light blockers on devices, i.e. phones and computers (f.lux and Nightshift are recommended for iOS users and Twilight for android users) Instead of watching TV, movies, or YouTube before bed, listen to a podcast or audiobook with the screen off or on sleep mode. Ensure your room is completely pitch black at night, with no lights on, curtains closed, and any technology still on should be covered. For those of you who sleep with a light on, it’s recommended to buy a red light for your bedroom. Not only do these look cool but red light on the visible light spectrum has been shown to have little to no effect on both melatonin and cortisol levels. This is hypothesized to be due to the fact that humans have evolved sleeping by fire throughout human history (Stevenson, 2016). Caffeine Consumption Before getting into what you can do to manage your caffeine consumption, let’s take a simplistic look at what caffeine actually does to the brain that impacts our sleep. During normal functioning hours, the brain slowly accumulates a chemical called adenosine that binds to receptors to slow down brain activity and make you feel tired. The longer you are awake, the more tired you feel. Where caffeine comes into play is that it is shaped very similarly to adenosine and it binds to brain receptors. When these receptors are blocked by caffeine instead of adenosine, this tricks the brain into thinking it's not tired. Caffeine has a half-life of about 6-8 hours. A standard cup of coffee has roughly 150g of caffeine in it. What this means is that after about 6-8 hours there is still about 75g of caffeine in your system. Therefore, the timing of your caffeine consumption is just as important as the quantity. With this being said, the best strategy involves setting a caffeine curfew in order to reduce the amount of caffeine in your system by bedtime. It is recommended to cut out all sources of caffeine approximately 8 hours before bed. This includes coffee, caffeinated teas, espresso, or any other source of caffeine. Change Your Mindset in Regards to Sleep Although the other two points mentioned will probably apply to most readers, this one was the most influential point towards improving my sleep. I associated sleep with a negative outlook, specifically with loss of time. I knew through research and extensive thought that if I was going to improve my quality of sleep I was going to have to change my mindset. That isn’t the easiest task, especially when you spend years of your life thinking you dislike something. Some things that I did that helped me with this was reinforcing my why . The more I thought about why I was addressing my sleep, the easier it became to desire wanting sleep. Once I slowly worked towards this, I found that my anxiety associated with loss of time began to reduce and I was able to associate sleep with a positive mindset. Meditate Mindfulness is the act of becoming aware in the present moment, without judgement. The practice of mindfulness through mindful meditation can provide an opportunity to create mental space at bedtime and to help you feel more relaxed. Mindfulness can also help you to cope with negative thoughts surrounding sleep and to help you shift your focus to your body and to be present. This technique is easily accessible by downloading free apps or using beginner guided sleep meditation videos on YouTube. Other Minor Tips to Improve Your Sleep Journaling is an excellent release before bedtime, especially if you are an over thinker. Letting out the thoughts on paper and getting them out of your head will allow you to focus more on sleep and less on what’s on your mind. Invest in a good mattress. As mentioned earlier, we are going to spend about one third of our lives sleeping so why not ensure that we get the best sleep possible? If you are not in an ideal financial situation at the moment, perhaps investing in a proper mattress isn’t realistic. For you, I suggest buying a memory foam topper or just a mattress topper. This is an inexpensive way to improve sleep quality. Sleep and wake at consistent hours. Our super complex yet lazy brain loves to work off of routines so do your brain a favour and go to bed and wake up around the same time. This will make the process easier on yourself and will make you less likely to give up from frustrations of not being able to accomplish what you set out to. Do not, and I repeat do not, do any work or eating or anything in your bed besides sleep. The brain works off of associations so don’t confuse your brain into thinking your mattress is an office, movie theater, or a kitchen table. This is just the beginning when it comes to ways to improve your sleep, as solutions often depend on one’s specific sleep challenges. However, trying any of these tips can be beneficial as improving our sleep is crucial to improving our physical and psychological well-being. Best of luck on your sleep journey and sweet dreams. Written By: Erik Michalik, M. Psy Candidate, BASc, Edited/Reviewed by : Chantal Legere, M. Psy References Figueiro MG, Wood B, Plitnick B, Rea MS. (2011) The impact of light from computer monitors on melatonin levels in college students. Neuro Endocrinol Lett .; 32(2):158-63. PMID: 21552190. Stevenson, S. (2016). Sleep smarter: 21 essential strategies to sleep your way to a better body, better health, and bigger success . New York, NY: Rodale Books. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
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